Post by Shevy on Dec 28, 2004 17:26:22 GMT -5
Somebody posted this on another site, and I thought they were pretty accurate...
HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess
GRINDCORE:
The protagonist arrives, sees what's going on and kills the princess for subjecting the dragon to oppressive reptilian stereotyping
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon and saves the princess, but complains they don't make dragons and princesses like they used to in the 80s.
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing), and protagonist leaves without the princess because she thinks he's gay
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess, pillages the castle and burns the place before he leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon by skinning it alive, fucks the princess and kills her with a hammer
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle, then doesn't know what to do with the princess because he's a virgin
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it again
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon with a dildo, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
NU-METAL:
The protagonist brags about knowing all about dragons, but as soon as he sees it, pisses his pants and runs away. Later, he steps on a gecko and kills it, and brags how he's vanquished yet another dragon
EMO:
The protagonist sees the dragon and cries. He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
GRUNGE:
The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying of a heroin overdose.
POP-PUNK:
The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't fuck him either, because 12 year olds have tiny dicks.
BATTLE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess
GRINDCORE:
The protagonist arrives, sees what's going on and kills the princess for subjecting the dragon to oppressive reptilian stereotyping
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon and saves the princess, but complains they don't make dragons and princesses like they used to in the 80s.
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing), and protagonist leaves without the princess because she thinks he's gay
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess, pillages the castle and burns the place before he leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon by skinning it alive, fucks the princess and kills her with a hammer
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle, then doesn't know what to do with the princess because he's a virgin
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it again
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon with a dildo, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
NU-METAL:
The protagonist brags about knowing all about dragons, but as soon as he sees it, pisses his pants and runs away. Later, he steps on a gecko and kills it, and brags how he's vanquished yet another dragon
EMO:
The protagonist sees the dragon and cries. He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
GRUNGE:
The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying of a heroin overdose.
POP-PUNK:
The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't fuck him either, because 12 year olds have tiny dicks.
BATTLE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
